Don’t Stick a Bean Up Your Nose
(A story that has nothing to do with the cartoon.)
When my mother was little, she heard her parents talking in the next room. Though the details are fuzzy, she remembers hearing her mother say, “… and the woman told her son not to stick a bean up his nose. Can you imagine?”
Granddad evidently thought that was hilarious. “Why did she do that? The kid would never think of sticking a bean up his nose if she hadn’t told him not to …”
And my mom, who says she had never thought about sticking a bean up her nose—until that moment—wondered, Why not? What happens if you stick a bean up your nose? And since she was there, alone, in the kitchen … (You can see where this is going.)
Well, the bean swelled, and she had a bugger of time getting it back out.
Now—my mother believes in artistic license and has been known to embellish the truth for the sake of a laugh. And I know that beans have to soak for hours before you can cook them. So I was skeptical. But it turns out that the human nostril, with its warm, moist mucus membranes is the ultimate bean re-hydrating apparatus.
That sucker will swell fast—I mean instantly. Even if you’ve got tweezers right there, you’ll be making a trip to the ER. So unless you want a pretty ER nurse to cackle at you, don’t stick a bean up your nose.
But you might not want to mention the subject to your kids—no matter how old they are.